2017 was, without a doubt, one of the most complex years of my life. Truthfully, it ranks up there with the worst. I lost my Chuchie Paula (my aunt and godmother and yes we misspell Ciocia in my family) and the pain of her loss hits me daily. I had several personal tests that I do not want to share but I can say I spent many nights crying and sleepless. I have learned there are ugly things in the world and even uglier people. I struggled to not give my power to the bad and let go to karma. All the while, I was pregnant, hormonal, and anxious. I just wanted a cloud to lift for me.
And then, quite quickly, 2017 decided to sweep in to the top years of my life when my son was born. The darkness still looms on some days but I have a bright, happy, loving baby boy to care for and his smile makes my heart soar. I didn't even know I would love being a mother as much as I do. It was never on my list of things to do or be but I am so glad I am one. I have always been a woman who found contentment in what I had but now I have a new sense of purpose because no one else relies on my love and presence as much as he does. I want to be the best I can be for him. As I enter this new year, I remember these things 2017 taught me:
I have learned that I am a hell of a lot stronger than I think.
I have learned that I can make it no matter what is thrown my way.
I have learned to ask for help when I need it instead of going it alone.
I have learned for every shitty person out there, I have loving people with integrity in my life.
And I am ready for 2018. To see my son grow and to see myself grow. To speak my mind when necessary instead of choke down the words. To live authentically. To deflect bullshit. To focus on the present and leave the past behind. The future is bright and positive changes are up ahead.
I am ready.
We are ready.